> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://gliszen.ghost.io/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Understanding Masking in Autism: It's Not Pretending - URL: https://gliszen.ghost.io/understanding-masking-in-autism-its/ - Published: 2026-01-25T13:11:13.000Z - Updated: 2026-07-24T21:19:44.000Z - Author: RP Goldenberg | SwiftMindCare - Tags: Newsletter, Substack-Moved, #Migrated-1784927624346, #Import 2026-07-24 21:18 I want to clear something up about autistic masking because there's a massive misconception floating around. When people hear "masking," they often think we're pretending to be someone we're not. That's not what's happening at all. ![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/2f/0c/2f0c8843-4e19-4a64-82b3-1d14728eb05b/content/images/2026/07/4c37c3b2-1b39-42dd-b270-2fefaa87050a_2160x3840-jpeg-1.jpg) Here's what masking actually is: it's learning skills that come naturally to most neurotypical people. Things like making eye contact, knowing when to laugh at jokes, figuring out when it's your turn to talk, or managing your facial expressions so people don't ask "what's wrong?" every five minutes. For autistic people, these aren't automatic. We have to consciously learn them, practice them, and actively execute them in real time. It's like the difference between breathing (which just happens) and manually controlling your breath during meditation (which requires constant attention). **The Invisible Labor** The exhausting part? For many of us, especially those diagnosed later in life, we don't even realize we're doing it. We genuinely believe everyone works this hard just to get through a normal day. We think everyone is constantly analyzing social situations, replaying conversations to figure out what went wrong, forcing themselves to maintain the "right" body language, or suppressing the urge to stim in public. We assume neurotypical people are also putting in this enormous effort to function the way society expects. It's only later, sometimes decades later, that we discover most people aren't running these calculations in the background all the time. For them, much of social interaction really is intuitive. **Not a Performance, But Adaptation** When I mask, I'm not putting on a costume or playing a character. I'm using learned skills to navigate a world designed for neurotypical brains. I'm translating between my natural way of being and what the environment requires of me. Think of it like this: if you're left-handed in a world built for right-handed people, you're not "pretending" to be right-handed when you learn to use right-handed scissors. You're adapting to tools that weren't designed with you in mind. It doesn't make you less left-handed. It doesn't mean you're being fake. You're just trying to function in the space you're in. **The Cost of Constant Translation** The problem is that this constant translation work is exhausting. When you're spending significant mental energy on things that are effortless for others, you have less capacity for everything else. That's why so many autistic people experience autistic burnout, especially those who masked heavily before understanding they were autistic. ***We were working twice as hard and wondering why we couldn't keep up.*** **Why Late-Diagnosed People Mask the Most** People diagnosed later in life often become incredible maskers precisely because we didn't know we were autistic. We just knew we were struggling with things that seemed easy for everyone else. So we watched, we learned, we adapted. We built elaborate systems to help us remember social rules. We forced ourselves through sensory discomfort because we thought everyone felt that way and just handled it better. The revelation that comes with a late diagnosis isn't just "I'm autistic." It's "Wait, other people weren't doing all of this? This wasn't normal?" **Unmasking Isn't Giving Up** Understanding masking doesn't mean we should never adapt to our environment. We all make adjustments based on context, neurotypical people included. The difference is recognizing the cost of constant masking and giving ourselves permission to unmask when it's safe to do so. Unmasking means allowing our natural communication style to show. It means stimming when we need to. It means saying "I need you to be direct with me" instead of trying to decode vague hints. It means acknowledging that our way of being isn't wrong, just different. **Finding Your People** If you're newly discovering yourself as a late-diagnosed autistic person, there's a whole community out there sharing their experiences. Here are some places where people are talking openly about late diagnosis and unmasking: *Late Bloomer Autistics* \- A podcast by Taylor Heaton that focuses specifically on adults who discovered their autism later in life. Taylor interviews other late-diagnosed autistic people about their journeys, and it's incredibly validating to hear how common our experiences are. Devon Price's work - Dr. Devon Price, author of "Unmasking Autism," writes extensively on their Substack and social media about late diagnosis, masking, and building a life that works for your actual brain. Their writing has this way of naming things you didn't even realize you'd been experiencing. #ActuallyAutistic on social media - This hashtag (particularly on platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter/X) is where autistic people share their real experiences. You'll find tons of late-diagnosed folks talking about their "wait, that's an autism thing?" moments and the relief of finally understanding themselves. **Moving Forward** If you're autistic and you've been masking without realizing it, please know: you're not broken for needing to learn these things consciously. You're not fake for having developed these skills. And you're definitely not alone in feeling exhausted from years of working this hard just to exist in spaces that weren't designed for you. Masking is survival and adaptation. Understanding it is the first step toward building a life where you don't have to work quite so hard just to be yourself.